Values: connection & disconnection

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For what you value, you must sacrifice.

I’ve made changes in my values in the past six months. Due to this decision I begin to experience the price, and the sacrifice in my social life: the feeling of value with some people have begun to feel less meaningful and less valuable.

I’ve found different meaning and it’s no longer in the same direction.

Decision have to be made.

Values are meaningful. Shared values help us to work toward common goal.

If perception to the previously shared values changes, then the relationship changes as well.

What I thought was very positive change for me, has caused quite a bit of suffering. Is a positive change then a desirable? Is this temporary pain worth it?

I’ve comforted myself with the thought that nothing great is born without pain.

Besides I’ve chosen to update my values because I want something better. Yet in so called short term this feels surprisingly painful.

Long term or short term perspective?

Even from pain one seeks relief. At least hope. Is there hope?

Higher levels values, create higher level order.

Lower level values create chaos.

So by embracing and determining my values again, I’ve set out to feel the suffering now in order to create something greater. Example of great people have shown that the higher level values might not even be appreciated by the present state society. Only the future generation may grow to that level of maturity to appreciate.

About such greatness I do not know nothing. All I know, that I hope I must find and to create order I must continue.


Thank you for reading!

For greater context I can recommend Jordan B. Petersons 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote Against Chaos –book. It’s a book that I’ve read three times now in the past five months. I’ve found several ideas from that book to put in the practice and I believe I continue to discover so.

Now lately I feel like I want to connect with as many people as possible, globally so therefore I’ve chosen to continue my blog in English.

Janne

Decisions to Do Create Something from Nothing

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Today as I was packing my stuff for the move. I finally got to my lifeboard, a very deal construction of post-its and such that I try to keep there to remind me of that which is really important and valuable for me in life. Each morning I’ll start my day by spending five minutes with lifeboard.

Now that I was taking lifeboard down carefully, I noticed that there are too many things there again. A decision to do something, should always go with a plan what is worth sacrificing for this decision. The decision become holy when something is sacrificed. Sacrifice is for example the decision not to do something, there is opportunity cost involved and based on conscious decision one choose an action over another.

Decision to do, requires a decision not to do.

When you’ve done something, that you have sacrificed your time and actions for, it really starts to matter. Anymore there is no messing around. Decision making is serious business as time is really limited.

Virtuous person will find oneself in a position where there is not simply possible not to do. This is because virtue is values in action and when one is able to live virtuously, there are few unskillful actions and when there are those actions are quickly corrected. Thus we get to a point where you’ve to choose in what order or with what focus you will commit to your decisions. It’s possible to overlap several things: such as going for a walk, with audiobooks and with grocery shopping. Three things done at a same time.

However, the experience of listening to a audiobook suffers still from opportunity cost of taking notes or checking additional material while at it.

Despite the opportunity cost, I believe a lot in overlapping several activities. Through habits we do not need to have any excuses not to do things. Instead we should find creative ways to get the decisions done no matter what.

Decision and commitment to that decision means using the limited time to come up with the results. Ex nihilo, from nothing everything has been made

If You Could Decide What Would Your Life Look Like?

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There are tremendous forces at work with life. They crush and crumble our plans easily. That’s why plans are useless. Planning is useful thought, because it allows us to mentally prepare for things to come and then adjust accordingly.

Visualization has the same effects on our brain as actual exercise. Same I believe to be true with planning. When we plan, we are living potential lives already. That prepares us for the actual reality to come.

With all this chaos and change in life, it might be easy to fall into the trap of victimhood: I do not have control.

While it’s true that the big picture of life gets set, we cannot affect the circumstances or the other people that are in our lives, we have surprisingly a lot of control within our own limited life.

Each day we make hundreds of decisions about our life. What if you started to look at your life the way you want to live it and make more decisions according to that ideal?

Decisions themselves are potent if you follow them up with sacrifice (decision to do means also decision not to do something else until the thing is done) and then action.

Values in Action

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Values are wonderful. However, if they are not put in action they are nothing real. Values in action are called virtues.

I’ve thought quite a bit what do I value and so far I’ve been rather satisfied with these seven:

Value Virtue (value in action)
Love Kindness, compassion, metta, forgiveness, mercy
Aspiration Excellence, purpose, openness, curiosity, courage
Responsibility Sustainability, effort, courage
Courage Positive action despite of fear, growth, rightfulness, effort
Truth Seeing the world as it is, open mind and learning.
Gratitude Awareness, meditation, metta
Humility Service, gratitude

 

It’s not perfect, yet it shows what I value the most. While these I review every day, it’s not really the same as thoroughly reflecting and deepening the bond with these values and virtues.

When I read Frank Bettger How I Raised Myself From Failure to Success in Selling and Dale Carnegies How to Win Friends and Influence People, I picked up an idea from there that they picked up from Benjamin Franklin about the virtue list. A theme virtue for every week.

First six days are now in behind with the love theme. What the theme does, is forces me to contemplate further how do I practice each day and what could I do more. I’ve found it to work like magic.

What are your values? What do they mean in action? What are you willing to do and on the other hand what are you not willing to sacrifice?

What’s Worth Sacrificing For?

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The more ambitious we the more our life becomes a process consisting of planning, prioritization and doing.

With this this process good question to asks are such as:

  • What is the most important thing I can be doing now?
  • What is worth sacrificing for?

If we are not satisfied with our lives, is mostly because we have wasted a much of it. Ask anyone who feels like they are living a fulfilling life and the reason they are there, because they have made choices to do this specific thing instead of couple, or hundred others. They’ve chosen and sacrificed the alternatives to be doing what they do.

Life is in fact constant prioritization: during a day, week, month or year.

There are several priorities, yet we choose to do some and not to do others, on what basis?

Something has to be sacrificed, what are you willing to sacrifice?

Relating to yesterday’s post about investments, are you sacrificing to invest something, or just to degenerate?

Influencing with an Impact

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Life feels meaningful when we have a purpose in mind and we are progressing towards the fulfillment of that purpose. On the way to the fulfillment, we already have to make choices: what to do and what not to do. If we do whatever we want to achieve that purpose, then it might feel meaningless, because we haven’t worked to sacrifice for it.

To have something so important, that we are willing to sacrifice something else for that purpose. Fulfillment of purpose feels meaningful because of our values and because we are willing to pay the price for our values both in emotional and real cost.

Meaningful life is despite of these costs, we are progressing towards our purpose. It’s our own choice.

Once we have thought of our values, we start to make these choices, and sacrificing other choices. We become a person of virtue. We should focus to our own doing, in that way we become the shining example for others, the greatest way to influence others is through prime example.

Values are Worth Sacrificing for

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Unless you are willing to pay a price, either actual or emotional for something, you do not have any values. Having values means to have suffer the consequences.

Usually having to make a choice, involves a consequence and suffering. Because choosing also means not choosing something else, and it is saying no to something, in order to say yes for something.

You have chosen something in hopes that it will lead to a change in circumstance or outcome. Making a choice, means that the destiny has been set. If you change it, then the destiny has been changed again. If you stick to it, you might eventually might manifest something out of it.

Put your values to work. Virtues are values in action. When it comes to virtues, usually most highly esteemed are the ones that put the collective good before the individual. We arrive at selfless service and purpose of life.

What is your purpose? How does your values reflect that? What are your values in action?

If the purpose is worth striving for, so are the values worth actualizing for. You are choosing to go through the jungle without hurting a thing, it might require tremendous effort from your part, but will make a better person out of you in the end.

Values are worth sacrificing for, because through them you will become what you are capable of becoming.

Positive Desire: the Art of Creating Better Life for All

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Positive desire is desire where all the selfish desires have been recognized and let go of. Only the desire that leads to win-win-win or in other words the good of all, remain.

When I began my conscious growth journey in 2007 I misunderstood desire as evil and then I tried to abandon my desires. This of course did not lead to good results; as my own growth stagnated the growth of others did so as well, which wasn’t a win at all for anybody.

Later on I learned that there is a difference between a positive desire and selfish desire. Positive desire is something that has been recognized to be win-win-win, something worth sacrificing for, whereas selfish desire is harmful, either “just win” or “win-lose.”

As a word desire encapsulates these both, however when specified as positive or selfish desire they become recognized, that’s why I choose to use these adjectives to keep my own and your thinking more accurate.

Reason why it is important for us to have accurate thinking is that we forget so easily! I am speaking now of experience: I have forgotten the concept of positive desire, even though it had great impact on me when I first recognized it.

Learning is remembering and forgetting. Over time our minds try to compress our knowledge into smaller and smaller space and thus the adjectives might drop out. Yet I think it’s very important to distinguish that there are different kinds of desires, and the ones that lead to win-win-win solutions are positive desires that should be cultivated in life.

 

The Middle Way

In life, saying just yes or no is easy. Yet there is alternative path, the middle way. This is the road less travelled. Someone might have gone through it, however jungle has a long time ago reclaimed it and no trace remains.

Creating the alternative path requires risk, energy and effort. Not very pleasant words for our comfort loving characters.

The very definition of love by Dr. Scott M. Peck is the willingness to grow in order to nurture the growth others. Our good intentions never actualize unless we are willing to sacrifice some of our time, energy and comfort for the sake of others.

Combining the drive, or positive desire for results with right intentions are the energy that help us to create the way.

The path to pursue win-win-win is a long, but worthy one.

“Be the change you want to see in the world.” – Mahatma Gandhi

 

Where to Start?

Path of the positive desire, is the middle way. The path begins by saying no to the no and no to the yes. Instead of saying no or yes, you say: “no and yes?” You say no to everything that is against your values and then create an alternative offering that is good for everyone involved. You are not willing to compromise anything important. Therefore you’ll need to know what is important to you, what do you value, what do you stand for?

By making a stand you will reject and you’ll be vulnerable for rejection. Yet you are confident in your ability to communicate your message in caring and nonviolent, so that everyone understands that you are doing it for them, them and them.

And if this does not happen, you’ll keep on learning and honing your way until you become the way.

One the way you’ll risk everything you have without any guarantee of any return.

 

Have a great day!

Janne

Sacrifices

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Word sacred has appeared two times during my day today, so this is definitely a strong theme that I want to spend a while reflecting and writing about.

Sacred, is something worth sacrificing for. First the thought appeared to me in the morning as I realized that some relationships are worth of sacrificing for.

Second time the word sacred appear in more work & culture context. Some goals are worth sacrificing for.

Any meaningful purpose is worth sacrificing for.

What are you willing to sacrifice for?

Personal Leadership

 

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Everything in this life we have is in the present moment.

To navigate from here to somewhere, we can either get by coincidence or by having a system.

Personal leadership is such a system which helps us iterate towards the desired or more desirable outcome. Personal leadership is mastery over our short term wants for longer term desire for which we are willing to make sacrifices and take action. Furthermore not only we have longer term view, but also we are sacrificing the present attention to that long term view and that shows in the energy we are putting to think big.

All leadership starts from learning to lead ourselves first. We need continued humility for this, because it is lifelong learning projects rather than a week, month, year or even a decade.

Human brains are wired to save energy, so we have tendency to simplify and compress everything we learn. Personal leadership is acknowledging this limitation and working a bit over and around that limitation by questioning the limits according to our own desires and believed capabilities.