Have you heard the adage that you are the average of five people you spend most time with?
Aren’t you with yourself first and foremost, so shouldn’t you include yourself there, what kind of person are you for those people?
“Be the change you want to see in the world.” – Mahatma Gandhi
First relationship that comes, is the relationship with ourselves. We have to start with ourselves: we have to define our what it means to be awesome for ourselves and for others.
There is the golden rule of treating others as you would like to be treated. Keyword there is the treating, it’s a verb that requires action. We are defined by our actions, we become what we do.
Change then means taking more virtuous actions than before. Define what do you value and take action, make the values as verbs, as virtues.
Personally I’ve defined seven values from which I think the truth, love and courage are in the core. The other four: aspiration, responsibility, gratitude and humility are fine tuning for what kind of person I really want to be.
||Virtue (value in action)
||Kindness, compassion, metta, forgiveness, mercy
||Excellence, purpose, openness, curiosity, courage
||Sustainability, effort, courage
||Positive action despite of fear, growth, rightfulness, effort
||Seeing the world as it is, open mind and learning.
||Awareness, meditation, metta
In the right column there are thoughts, what the value would look like as action. I’ve done this table two years ago. As an advice it could be helpful to write even specific examples such as:
- Gratitude: give one written positive feedback a day.
- Love: apologize if you notice yourself swearing and make yourself socially accountable so you could use kinder words in the future.
- Truth: when you catch yourself exaggerating, stop, apologize and correct yourself immediately.
- Responsibility & courage: when you see opportunity to take responsibility take action despite your fears and worries.
- Example how I applied this on yesterday was in a rather small restaurant where there wasn’t any table for four. Waiter was young man whose solution to find the table was rather burdensome for the whole restaurant (to move the tables in tiny space). I quickly figured out a couple better solutions, from which the best in my judgement was to ask a other customer who had just before ordered to move to a smaller table. I did this this as kindly as I could and he did it gladly.
Fears and social behavior is contagious, therefore it is important to notice the that when do you need to rise above the surroundings and take the initiative.
Personal growth is all about initiative to do things differently.
Now take a moment to write down your values and write next to it how you could apply it as a virtue. Make at least one action for each virtue. You may add more actions to this list as you live on more days and weeks. By continuous practice of values and virtues, you will become the awesome person that you would like to know.
You are awesome!