From Taking to Giving


Mature men and women are givers. Immature people are takers.

Mature people seek to give value, where as immature people are looking what to take and gain.

For men, it is difference between boy and man psychology. For women, between girl and a woman psychology.

In the book series King, Warrior, Magician & Lover, Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette focus more on the mature masculine psychology and how that happens i.e. how a boy dies and becomes a man. Traditionally it has been through rituals in the guidance of elder wise men acquainted with the sufficient knowledge. Writers also point out that most modern societies have transformed many of these rituals into mere impotent ceremonies, which do not have sufficient energy to make the transition.

As example they use a scene described from the movie Emerald Forest where a boy dies during the ritual in the deep jungle and when the sun rises, is born anew as a man.

In the book series also work with the shadow forms are emphasized before starting deeper work. Each archetype has two shadows. So a hero boy could be a bully or a coward, which is then further transformed into a mature warrior archetype which has also it’s shadows the sadist and the masochist.

I’ve found the framework inspiring for my personal development and growth. Through my life I’ve been able to recognize moments where the thoughts, words/lines or actions have actually been categorized as shadow work versus being fully mature. These are exceptionally educative moments.

Sometimes shadow do take us over, and when that happens we have to be ready. Shadows are part of us, and in a healthy mind they become part of the whole. “Not too much, not too little.”

Healthy psychology and healthy giving is like that as well. When we give too much we make people weak. When we take too much, we become weak.

Giving should also be focused on more lasting giving.

When eating a fruit, how often do you thank the person who planted or nurtured the fruit tree? Or picked that fruit up?

Nature contains many blessings even without us. I live in Finland and Finnish forests are abundant of various berries during summertime. Having lived in countryside for my childhood, I’ve learned to respect everything in the nature. Few days ago I realized that I could be doing still much better work in my present life and condition and I should. Let this be my lesson and decision to start contributing more towards the nature from this day onwards.

What are value you going to give and how?


Work for love


I heard this cliche “Do what you love, and you’ll never work another day in your life.”

And then I began to think: Work is the ability to get the desired results.

Why not to work for love instead? If you work for love, you’ll find what results the world needs and are able to give it.

Life is about giving after all.

Work to love.

“You can’t burn out as a giver, as long as you see the impact you create.” – Adam Grant

Remember though that you cannot give what you do not have. You’ve to take care of yourself first. It’s your own well being that limits your giving. The more you take care of yourself, the more you are able to give.

Work on yourself also to give more.

The more you give, the more you’ll receive in the end.

However, do not give to receive. Do not attach to the fruits of your labor. Attachment causes suffering.

Practice to give without an attachment. That is unconditional love. You’ll learn to love the process of giving, giving is joy in itself. And if something comes back that is joy as well.

Then life will be a pleasant surprise.

Work for (unconditional) love.

Whose Glass Do You Fill and In What Order?


Even the best of intentions can do harm. Altruistic giver who gives always first away from even what little they have with all their energy and might will not end up serving any sustainable good cause.

To make the world flourish, we need to think in terms of sustainable giving. Sustainable giving starts with our selves: correct understanding, intention and speech. We need to learn to treat ourselves with compassion in order to benefit others with our actions.

I am not saying you cannot be beneficial to others before you have acquired such enlightenment, I am saying you should start each day by developing such understanding and mindfulness from where you are first aware of yourself, your limitations and capabilities.

Develop mindfulness and compassion towards life. Or as Ajahm Brahm says, develop kindfulness.

Start with yourself. Love yourself first, that’s the most important relationship you have.

Love is a verb.

Dr. Scott M. Peck defines love as “Love is the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth… Love is as love does. Love is an act of will — namely, both an intention and an action. Will also implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love.”

Love is about spiritual growth and we need to start from ourselves before we can start benefitting others. In practical terms this would mean every day we would need to prioritize ourselves first, in order to ensure the sustainability of our love for others as well.

When we ensure in the morning that our own spiritual growth needs are being taken care of, we can truly start benefiting others. That’s from where flourishing relationships and societies rise from: love which is spiritual growth.

Happy Way to Get What You Want In Life


Think for a moment, what it is you want in life? Let’s say next three years. Set an audacious goal.

Isn’t it so that you probably have to face some kind of adversity in order to get that? If it was anything daring, out of your current level of competence, this is definitely case. Audacious goals are audacious and meaningful exactly because they are just beyond our current level of operating.  Does what you what bring happiness or just gratification to you? Make sure to pursue the kind of goal that brings something more lasting than the instant gratification.

Okay now we have an audacious goal in three years, what are you going to do now towards that? Crawling millimeter by millimeter towards the goal is the key to the success as I wrote in the Climb.

Also another trick towards being more productive and getting to your goal even more sure AND feeling happier now is being happy now. Well while of course that won’t happen just because I tell you so, here are some ideas to get a boost in your both present and long term happiness:

  • Giving
  • Sharing
  • Kindness
  • Gratitude
  • Going extra mile to smile

That which we focus upon grows. That’s why I am always looking opportunities to help, give and share. I’ve been writing gratitude’s to my journal, actually anything positive. My favorite addition to my routine this fall to start giving positive feedback, so now I try to use every opportunity to do that as well.

So now you have an audacious goal, that is probably connected to your bigger purpose. Give your daily tasks your everything, you are surely to develop very good at them. Crawl forward and remember to be happy first 🙂


Poem: The Change Makers


Ignorant we all are, I must admit.

Yet there are those who to this do not submit.

These people are the shapers,

The change makers.


Those who are courageous enough to seek truth.

And stand to face the oppressive Brood,

Who do not care where the truth stood,

Or what was for everyone’s good!


People like Mandela and Gandhi,

Have become such examples, how handy!

Equipped with truth, love, and courage,

Have built their wisdom and virtue while pulling the carriage.


Suffering of the wheel,

Is imaginable and real.

They made no squeal,

Because it was in their interest to heal.


With grace they endured,

To the inner work they spurred.

Through work they developed,

And a new kind of thinking enveloped.


Wrong they faced,

Pain not only grazed.

They got to taste the pain of living,

And transformed it in their minds into a giving.


Yet people were astray.

Not caring what they had to say.

Thus they were sent away.

Only to return; and light the way!


They learned to care first,

To quench another one’s thirst.

People do not care how much you know, until they know how much you care, said Teddy.


World is not so steady,

You better get ready,

Your ignorance is unstable,

To care you are able!

What We Focus on Grows


What we focus on grows, this is such a powerful thought! Essentially anything that we give our attention to strengthens. Anything we put our conscious thoughts, will grow stronger.

I.e. if we feed our thoughts about tiredness, those thoughts will strengthen. In the same way, if we focus to what has gone well, we positive feelings that come through it amplify and will last longer.

Applying this to the real world: how much positive feedback do you give? Precise actions and numbers please! I noticed some weeks back, how easy it is for us to think the feedback as something mainly negative to give when something goes wrong. I met some other passengers on the bus that only intended to give complaints.

Woken up by the thought I thought I must also try to give more positive feedback on every possible occasion. Positive feedback strengthens and grows that which works. Naturally strengthening what works is a far better approach than nagging about what doesn’t work.

In fact a good tip that I just picked up from the How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Caernegie is to always praise first. Of course the point is to find genuine praise, which is possible by learning to find things that are genuinely praise worthy.

That which we focus on strengthens. We will find more positive if we direct our attention through the positive.

We Get What We Are Able to Give Others


Life is not so much about ourselves, but what we can do for others. Then in turn if there are good people around you, your needs will be met as well.  We get what we are able to teach others. By teaching we have internalized the thoughts and transferred into something valuable for others.

When we first help as many people to get what they most need in life, then eventually in time we will get what we need. All of us are in service profession, from different skill sets we need to look how we best can benefit the lives of others.

Giving happens through selfless service with no expectations of return. With no expectations of return we can focus truly to serve, without getting distracted by rewards. Working this way allows us to truly prioritize the human and the needs.


Contemplation on the Nature of Interconnectedness


Human being is a superorganism. Superorganism is a combination of two or more organisms working together. Being the kind of superorganism, it’s hard for us to understand exactly how complicated and interconnected we ourselves are.

Even at larger level the human societies are kinds of organisms of which we are all part of. Actually at even larger scale all life is a superorganism or should it be a virus that uses the non-living or in-between to evolve in to more complexities which allow life to spread even further and further.

Again in at a larger level the living and not living are connected, we are all made the building blocks that are around us. We are actually an organism, part of the bigger organism. Where is the “I” in all this?

Because of this lack of I, or perhaps because of the omnipresence of it it’s hard to think of better way to live than that of nonviolence. We have unique life, what can we give with it?

Each Day Should Be Special



Tradition and culture are wonderful things, because it is at least those traditions that keep the cycle of life in balance.

For me, this Xmas will be the first one I don’t spend in Finland. In my old thinking I couldn’t really imagine to travel during Xmas time, maybe before or after, but not during.

The thought about traveling has grown past few years and even last year we were supposed travel which didn’t actually happen. This year we were able to.

It’s not about the timing either, it’s more about the priorities and finding solutions. I’ve been very satisfied with the choices I’ve made and that has made each day special, even far more special that the regular.

Xmas or any other celebration is a nice tradition that brings the feelings of safety, comfort and relaxation to our lives.

However, I am quite curious why couldn’t we design all our days around our most important priorities? Why is it only certain days or times of the year need to be extra special?

Sometimes the traditions feel superficial, if something is truly important, why not pay attention to it more. I.e. why only to do good around Xmas, why not all year around? Why only Xmas time needs to be peaceful and caring?

I understand that from the tradition point of view, it’s good reminder for the public about these values. Certainly better than nothing. At least Xmas comes every year and the cycle continues. So on cultural level this is kind of success.

On individual level we should strive for something better. I.e. our deepest values should be in action every day in the form of virtues. We should have our priorities crystal clear. Hopefully these values, virtues and priorities have been thought out so far that they extend ourselves, to serve others. When we connect thoughts like this to action, each day will be special, an opportunity to take the step towards fulfillment.

People are feedback fragile

Behind all the feedback giving models like the sandwich, there must be some serious study behind that. And that study should show that we all have a breaking point in our ability to receive feedback. I hope.

Because today the constructive feedback hit just the spot and, although very constructive and simple, I realized I too am feedback fragile. I would say most of the people are, I mean who complains about receiving too much good feedback?

We all long to be recognized, yet there is few people congratulating us for doing the small things we do everyday right.

Thanks and great job for reading so far.

I’m trying to prime my mind to praise and thank for the little things. Any time other people are working to make something work for me and manage to do it, they are doing a good job whatever they are getting paid or not. We are just humans and the interactions are humans. Money is illusionary concept, so the only right way to treat a human is to appreciate the work they are doing. Small thanks or words of praise rarely hurt anybody, in fact it can be the light of their day and giving that, does is not out of your pocket.